The Truth About My Diagnosis

Hi there!  I am waiting for my appointment with the naturopath.  And waiting for some more blood work.  I mentioned in my last post that some of you don't know my health issues.  And I realized I should probably share a little more about that because people are offering suggestions to me as to what to do and they really don't pertain.  But I can't blame you, you don't know my story.

I have a diagnosis.  And it has been confirmed over and over by many doctors.  It is not that we don't know what is wrong with me, we all do.  The problem is that no one can figure out how to fix it.  It is in the "how to fix" that we are all confused, and frustrated, not the "what is it".

About a year after Connor was born I was diagnosed with PCOS and Insulin Resistance.  How I got to that place of finding a doctor who could actually diagnosis was a long, and emotionally hard place in my life.  After having Connor I experienced sever postpartum depression and a handful of other symptoms including unexplained weight gain, acne, fatigue and more.  It was one of the hardest times in my life.  Anyway, I could go on and on giving you the details of all the years from then to now but it would take too long.

After each pregnancy, I gain weight (when I should be losing it) therefore gaining more than when I was nine months pregnant.  If that is not depressing, I don't know what is!  Despite what I do and how perfect I am at following orders and no matter how much I work out and do all the right things, it is not enough.

So here is the thing about PCOS and Insulin Resistance, you have to get the right combination of nutrition, exercise, and supplements to get it under control.  Medication only works for a short time and in turn causes a handful of other issues.  Been there, done that.  And no thanks.  When a doctor says to me (or worse a friend or family member) that I just need to eat less and exercise more, or cut calories they don't understand PCOS or Insulin Resistance.  They may know what the disorder is but they don't understand it.

I have just come to realize this.  And I have to tell you that it feels good to know that.  I have put so much pressure and guilt on myself feeling like it is all my fault and I have to fix it with hard work and determination.  And then feeling like a complete failure when TIME AFTER TIME it doesn't work out.  It has been very very hard for me.  And damaging in many ways.  One of the hardest things for me to deal with is that I know people judge me from the outside.  And although we live a very natural and healthy lifestyle and I know more about nutrition and clean eating than most people I know, I can't prove it by having results.  So I struggle with people thinking that I don't know what I am talking about or they must think I am lazy and hide cookies in my closet or something.  I know some of that is not true and those who are closest to me know the truth.  But the truth also is that people are judgmental.  And if the outside doesn't look right then it must be something I am doing.

I have come to have a new respect for myself because most people wouldn't keep learning and trying and working when there is nothing to physically show for it.  I don't give up and I keep improving and tweaking things.  But I am ready to have my body back.  And parts of my life back that have been hindered from weight and physical appearance.

All this to say, be kind to people.  You never know what their story is.  What appears to be going on on the outside may not be what is really going on.  And no body is harder or judgmental on a person than them self.

If you want to know what I and some doctors think caused all this, three words:  birth control pills.  Now obviously there is more playing into it than that such as genetics, exposure to toxins and such.  But I believe birth control pills played the biggest part.  Some things are just not worth it.  I wish I knew that years ago.  My life would look a lot different today.

My PCOS definition: Polycystic ovary syndrome is a hormone disorder among women of reproductive age where the hormones are unbalanced causing a handful of problems such as: weight gain, acne, hair loss on head, hair growth on face and body, fatigue, irregular menstrual cycle, depression, fertility issues, cystic ovaries.

My Insulin Resistance definition: the body becomes resistant to insulin causing the pancreas to produce more insulin.  Then the body cannot use the insulin properly and instead of converting insulin to energy it stores it as fat.