Best Christmas Present Ever!

Our family Christmas this year was at my house.  We just moved to the Boise area and somehow ended up about the same distance from everyone's house.  TJ got us a big ole house so it only seemed logical that our house would be where the Christmas party would take place.  I had been planning and shopping for months.  I love to plan menus, and arrange all the details for stuff.  It was like I was planning a retreat at my own house, it was so fun.  I was flying in my 20 year old niece a few days early to help me with all the food shopping and food prep, everything was falling together just as planned.

Then, my sister in law found out she needed to have her thyroid taken out and her surgery was scheduled for December 23rd.  This meant my brother's family was not coming for Christmas and my niece would not be flying into to help me.  I cried.

For three days.

I couldn't imagine Christmas with out their family.  And it was at my house this year!  I wanted them to be here.  It was also the last Christmas we would all be together.  My brother, Clint, and his family are moving to Ethiopia next week and who knows when we will all be together again.  It was just down right sad.  I kept moving forward with my holiday plans but some of the joy and anticipation for the holiday had been sucked out.  I was falling a bit behind on my house work and was counting on my procrastination adrenaline to kick in on Friday and get the house cleaned before people started arriving that evening.

Thursday we did our family Christmas with the kids, went to a nice dinner and drove around and looked at Christmas lights.  It was very fun.  We left the house a total mess and just enjoyed the day.  We got home around 10:00pm and TJ was putting the kids in bed, I was walking around the house feeling overwhelmed by the mess I needed to deal with and still a bit sad about the absence of my brother's family.

The door bell rang and there was a loud knock.  I looked out the window to see who it was and there they were...ALL SIX MEMBERS of my brother's family!  I unlocked the door, flew it open and did a REALLY loud screaming dance for quite a few minutes.  I couldn't believe it, they were here!  Christmas was complete.  My joy was back!  And my house was so embarrassingly messy!  Oh well.

My sister in law's surgery got postponed (I may or may not have been praying for something like that to happen. HA) so they jumped in the car and came.  And it was perfectly wonderful.  We were all together, all 23 of us for five days.  We played so many games of cards, ate so much food, conversed, laughed, cried, and watched all the little cousins drink in their time together, they had so much fun!  It was perfect.

Who knows what Christmas' will look like from now on or our summer gatherings but I am thankful for surprises and God's blessings and that this Christmas turned out just as it should have, all of us together at my house.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and that you were surrounded by those you love.

Happy Holidays!
Ronda

Mommy Chat on facebook

Hi. It has been awhile since I have gotten my thoughts down on the page and I have to tell you I am feeling emotionally constipated. Yes, I just said constipated. But it's true, I have a few things on my mind and stirring in my heart and I have not had an outlet to release those thoughts and feelings so I am feeling rather plugged up. Oh ok, enough of that metaphor. Focus.

So last post was about Mommy Camp. While Mommy Camp is not a reality right NOW at this very moment I still feel the need for moms to have a place to chat. A place where they can feel understood, cared for, heard, comfortable, supported, encouraged, and cheered on. So first step to Mommy Camp is a Mommy Chat Facebook Group. A place where the above can take place. A gathering place where us moms who are in a similar phase in life can connect and share.

I am excited about it and we will see where it takes us. Since I have connected, re-connected, or have stayed connected with most of you through facebook, I think it is a great place to start and get the conversation going. So, check it out, invite your mommy friends, grab a cup of coffee and let's get the conversation going.

Be forewarned: there is nothing on the page yet, but that will come.   And hopefully a logo too.  Anyone out there feel so inclined to create a logo?  For now, happy smile face coffee is what we got.

Type in Mommy Chat on facebook and ask to join the group.

Mommy Camp!

So I shared in my last post about the conversation that TJ, Jackie and I had about what we would do with $100,000 if we could do anything.

My answer was a Mommy Camp.

A place where mom's can go for a weekend to get away.  To sleep, to vent, to cry, to yell, to be encouraged, to be challenged, to eat, to relax, to breath, to focus, to laugh, and laugh some more, to play games, and converse with other moms who "get it".

Have you ever been having a crappy day and you ran into a really good friend or a complete stranger and all you had to do was look at each other and you just knew that they understood.  The "I've been there!" look but oozing with compassion.  Then there are times, ok maybe many times, when you meet the glance of a good friend or a complete stranger and you get the look of judgement.  No thank you!  I can't stand that. 

There is nothing more refreshing to my soul than empathy.  

Empathy: the power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another person's feelings.

And nothing more distasteful to me than someone who is NOT empathetic.  This very issue is an on going conversation in our house and is often my greatest frustration in relationships with people.

Let me give some examples.  Here is the common one between TJ and I (Love you honey!) and I imagine between a lot of stay at home moms and their spouse.  I will begin to share how hard it is to manage all the things I have to manage through out the day such as; getting all the kids up, dressed, fed, and out the door in the morning, homeschool, cleaning the house, planning and cooking meals 3 TIMES A DAY (sorry, had to shout) taking the kids to long appointments that are emotionally or physically demanding, homework, running errands with three kids in tow and on and on.  He will listen and then proceed to tell me what he would do if he were in my shoes.  Makes me mad every time.  EVERY TIME. And our conversation almost always ends in me saying, "can you just admit that this is really hard and sucks sometimes!? That's all I want.  Some empathy!"

Can you relate?

Here is another example.  I am dropping the girls off at school and it is a miracle I even got the kids to school because the whole morning has been a fight and we are all grumpy about it.  I chose my battles that morning and making my four year old get dressed, brush her hair, and put on shoes was not a battle I fought and won.  She doesn't have school this day so I don't care.  We show up at school and she is still crying from being an EMOTIONAL FOUR YEAR OLD and I throw her over my shoulder wrapped in her blankey and proceed to check Carly in.  There will inevitably be a mom or two who have one kid and they are always showered and looking cute who will give me a look as if to say, "what kind of mom are you?  Is it really that hard to get your kid dressed?" ( I will keep my thoughts to myself as to what I want to say to "those" people.  HA.  And in their defense, they have issues too.)  But then you catch the eye of a mom who just gets it.  And it is like you can take a deep breath and laugh.  And she may say something like, "oh boy, been there! Hang in there mom, keep thinking about bed time".

I just love those women.  No, really, I do.  I adore their spirit, and how comfortable they are to be themselves and authentic.  They know they are not perfect and they are ok with that.

All this lead me to Mommy Camp.  I wanted a place where mom's could yell, "YES! IT REALLY IS THAT HARD!"  Because you know what, it is.  Being a mom is hard.  Being a mom to multiple kids is hard.  Being a mom to multiple kids with issues or difficulties is hard.  Really stinkin' hard!  And I think us mom's in this caterogy want to know we are not alone.

We want empathy.  And honesty.  AND ENCOURAGEMENT.  We also want a place to breath because so often we are tense or we go go go and never stop to deal with the fact that we are depressed, overwhelmed, sad, angry, alone, unhappy, tired, burnt out, and disappointed.

All moms need a place where they can retreat.  But...my heart is for the ones who struggle with the words above on a regular basis.  They need a place where they can walk in the door or into the conversation and be greeted with the look.  The look of empathy.  The look that says, "I get it, and we are going to make it!"

Mommy Camp!

More coming on this idea in another post because believe you me, the dream is a brewing!

Hugs to you moms reading this!  You are awesome!

Birthday Eve

I have gotten a bit behind on this here blog.  Been processing some ideas, husband was out of town, and now I am getting over being sick.  Usually happens when TJ goes out of town because I never sleep well (or really at all) when my protector is gone.  I know, I have fear issues.  I am working on that.

The other reason I am behind is because I had the best-est Jackie I know come and visit!  We had a fabulous time playing nerts, taking care of the kids, eating out, driving around, shopping, and talking.  Lots of talking.  Sigh, it was medicine for my soul.

Out of our soul satisifying converstaion we stayed up way too late one night with TJ (it was perfect) and discussed this question:

If you were given $100, 000 dollars to do what ever you wanted to with, what would you do? You can of course be responsible or you can do something wild with it. 

TJ said he would rent a nice RV and we would load the kids up and GO until we couldn't go anymore.  I love that man.  And yes please!

I will share my answer in a later post because, well, because I can and I am not ready to share yet.  I know...RUDE!

But what would your answer be, I am dying to know!

Tomorrow I turn 33, will this be the year I do something crazy!  ; )

A Ho Hum Kind Of Day

Ho hum. 

It is a beautiful day in the Boise area today.  It rained yesterday and washed away all the yucky in the air so today is sunny, crisp and clear.  The mountains look amazing today.  I also hit a sweet sale at Macy's today and bought not one but TWO pairs of jeans.  Any day a good pair of jeans is found is a good day.  But I am feeling very, well...

Ho hum. 

Once I got home from Carly allergy appointment where today we were treating for Vitamin B complex, yes apparently people can be allergic to Vitamin B.  The doctor accidently treated her for Vitamin C which wasn't a big deal, we just started over.  Well I brought all three kids with me today because the doctor has the cutest miniture Poodle named Sampson that the kids were really anxious to play with.  Sampson wasn't there today.  Since we had to do a re do on Carly's treatment, my sugar high, sleep deprived four year old had quite the show for everyone today.  Urg.

I couldn't wait to get home and rip off these jeans, cowgirl boots, coat and hat and throw on my sweats and a sweat shirt.  I still have to change by the way, I was afraid if I went into my room I might not ever come out!  And the four year old is asleep on the couch.  YES!

As I walked in the house, kicking the things that need to be picked up I am faced with the reality that I have company coming tomorrow and I need to clean the house.  Some days I just want to look at that mess, give it the finger, pop a bowl of popcorn and curl up with a movie. 

BUT, I stopped myself and tried to make a better choice and thought I would vent on here, eat an apple, light a candle and drink some hot tea.

The apple was too mushy for my liking and by the time I actually sat down to write this my tea was luke warm.  See what kind of day this is?  Urg.

After each of Carly's allergy appointments I have to use what we call a "buzzer" to stimulate all of Carly's pressure points every two hours to keep the treatment moving through her body.  She also has to avoid what ever she was treated for for 25 hours.  I didn't realize that vitamin B is in everything.  No really, everything.  So my five year old can eat plain white rice, plain white pasta, fried potatoes and fish.  THAT IS IT.  And water to drink.  Sounds real healthy huh? 

So along with the dirty house I was met with a crying five year old who just wanted some fruit because she was hungry.  And mad because she doesn't like rice.  And she is hungry.  And it is unfair.  All of which I can agree with.  It is unfair that she doesn't get to eat anything while everyone gets to eat what ever they want.  Well I don't, but she doesn't notice that.  As if the food fight wasn't enough for this sleep deprived mama, oh didn't I mention the no sleep?  Everyone has been passing around throw up, fever, and general cold symptoms all week, which means if someone is not kicking me in my bed, they are not tired because they napped all day, or can't sleep because they don't feel good or are throwing up.  I. AM. TIRED.

Ok, back to my griping.  As if the food fight wasn't enough, I was faced with this:

 

Time to fight with Carly's eyes.  I must say, she is a trooper for all she has to deal with.  That pink inappropriate looking thing is her buzzer.  Technically called an acu-stick (as in acupuncture stick).  Thought I would let you see it.  : )  In her contact case is her $170 contact, no pressure to not loose it when I am putting it in!  And her eye patch which she is SUPPOSED to wear everyday for two hours.  We are still working on perfecting that.  She hates it.  Rightfully so.

Alright, I got all that out.  I feel better. 

Tomorrow I am picking up my dearest friend, Jackie from the airport and get to spend three glorious days with her and her beautiful baby #4 still in tummy!  Her other kids are at home in California.  I am so excited for TJ and I to have time with her.  It is the kind of friendship that is like none other and so yummy to the soul.  And I am excited for her to have some time away from responsibility.  The thought of her being here tomorrow is enough on it's own to turn my Ho Hum into a Yippee Skippy!  And I will pull through, because I am a procrastinator and work well under pressure, I will get the house clean.  But even if I don't, she won't care.  And I love that.

It's a beautiful day in the Boise area today!  And it is looking brighter.  Thanks for listening to me whine.  It felt good!

It Is So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

                                                 Boyz II Men was the first secular concert I ever attended.  I think I was 16.  I still remember it like it was yesterday, it was a day that began my love for the live concert experience. 

Today our friend Kameron and her three kids left to go back to Coeur d'Alene after their little visit to our house.  The kids were sad to see their friends leave so TJ, in his way, walked all around singing Boyz II Men's song, "It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday".  Of course now the lyrics are stuck in my head. 

This is what leads me to the topic that has been in my mind and my heart since the last blog.  Saying goodby to the things that we had or thought we would have.  

We moved a bit when I was growing up and at pretty crucial ages but it wasn't too hard on me, I like new adventures and new places and making new friends.  So those experiences were not times in my life where I felt it was so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.  Now, don't misunderstand me.  They were hard and especially in Jr. High when you think leaving your friends is the end of the world, but what I am saying is that I bounced back and moved on.  But as an adult there has been things that I have not been able to recover from so quick. 

The hardest thing for me to say goodbye to is EXPECTATIONS.

The first time I remember this happening was when I gave birth to my firstborn.  I had began praying from the time I found out I was pregnant that I would have a quick and easy delivery.  I will admit it, I was scared to squeeze a baby out.  But it was something I really wanted to experience.  After being induced because my body would not dialate and pushing for three hours with no pain relief because the epidural had worn off, I was rushed in to operating room for an emergency c-section.  The next thing I did not expect was that my baby would be a BOY.  We chose to be surprised and find out the gender of our child at birth.  You know the same birth that was supposed to be quick and easy?  Every person I knew and didn't know thought I was having a girl.  I just assumed they might be right.  For the brief moments between the doctor saying "it's a boy" and me holding that amazing boy in my arms, I was a little shocked because I had expected something else. 

Then I had the hardest time breast feeding.  I blame the breast feeding class I took while I was pregnant for this expectation being shattered.  They show you the stupistist video of a mother giving birth to her child and then they set the baby on the the mother's tummy and the baby finds it's way to the mother's breast, basically latches itself on and starts nursing.  COME ON!  I was quite pissed when my baby wouldn't do that.  Let alone do that with me assisting him or having professionals help me.  Another expectation down the tubes.

Ten days after Connor was born, TJ and I stepped into a Southern Baptist Church and I stood next to TJ and our new baby boy as he was introduced as the churches new youth pastor.  Background: my dad is and was my whole life a southern baptist pastor.  It was a good experience for me.  But I swore (never do that) that I would not marry a pastor and be a pastor's wife.  There I was.  A pastor's wife.  And in a southern baptist church none the less.  It was NOT what I had expected.

The trasition into motherhood and pastor's wife was almost too much to bare.  I now found myself in a world that I did not expect and sunk deep into severe post par-tum depression.  Besides our homeschool path which I will share someday, this was hands down the hardest season in my life.  And you know why?  Because it was so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.  I needed to let go of my expectations and give myself room to grieve what I thought was and then move on.  But I hadn't really identified what I was feeling or what was going on I just new I hated it, I was unhappy, and I was dissapointed in God for his plan looking this way.

I have also been disappointed in God because I have "expected" him to come through for me at certain times in my life and have felt like he hasn't.  I have been relieved from depression and anxiety only to have it return when I have found myself in places I didn't expect I would ever be.  I have heard promises from God that I expected would be fulfilled quickly, only to have to put them on the shelf until he feels the time is right.  I have asked for healing in certain areas of my life, fully expecting God to heal and have not received it.  I expected to be very involved in church ministry or completing my masters degree by now, not homeschooling.  I fully expected to be able to lose my pregnancy weight right away, not still carrying it and then some four years after having baby # 3.  I expected my kids to all love going to school and be good students, not struggle and do school at home.  I expected all my kids to be healthy and low maintenance, not filling our weeks with eye doctor's, heart specialists, dental procedures, surgeries, glasses, contacts, patching, skin rashes, allergies, therapy.  I expected that I would be able to keep my house clean, all the time.  I expected to have time to maintain my friendships and foster new ones, time to spend investing in family members.  I didn't expect never having a chance to answer my phone and talk to a friend or keep up with family. 

All of this can be hard to swallow.  And I have had to make time to grieve a lot of it.  To mourn what I thought was going to happen.  To say goodbye to yesterday and what I had expected tomorrow to look like.

Don't mistake my honesty for hopelessness.  Quite the opposite.  I know all of these things were God's plan, not mine.  I don't regret any of it.  It WAS HARD but I don't regret it.  It is shaping me into ME.  And I am finding myself along the way.  I am liking who I am becoming.  God has answered things that I didn't even think or imagine, and is answering now in this season some prayers I thought would never come to life.  I am not disappointed.  I am honored that God has allowed me to struggle and allowed me to grieve, it is out of those times depending on him that I am made stronger.  And better.  And beautiful. 

And beautiful people don't just happen.

Thanks Nichole for posting this quote.

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.  But often what God taught us yesterday is what gives us the strength and courage for tomorrow.  Now I just EXPECT that God is making me into something amazing, and my story although filled with bumps and bruises, is my story, and it is beautiful.

Therapy For Two

I had my first therapy session last week.  First, real paid for, real psychologist, real office appointment.  I have received counseling before (actually a lot!)  but always from the church.  It was very interesting.   

We started seeing this lady three weeks ago for Connor.  After trying to get him in school this year we saw first hand how severe his fear and anxiety really was.  The school suggested we get him some help.  We pulled him out of school, again, and put on our home school boot straps once again.  After our first session with the counselor she suggested that I meet with her own my own as well.  Ha, ok!

I must confess, it was nice to have someone listen to me and ask me questions.  And I didn't have to reciprocate, it was all about me.  I couldn't help but try to analyze her every question in my head and wonder, "why did she ask that?".  It was kind of fun.  And refreshing.

Her goal is to have Connor back in school by 2nd semester.  I am just trying to get him to feel comfortable without me in the counselor's room.  But if she knows all the tricks, ok!  She is having us use a technique disciplining our kids called 1-2-3 Magic.  No lie, it is magic!  I had to laugh when she gave it to me because on my nightstand is the current parenting book I am reading called, Don't Make Me Count To Three.  But 1-2-3 Magic is not counting to three, it is three warnings so I will keep reading the other one and hope they can work together.

So me and my little man are on a journey this year.  And I know it is going to be good.  Expensive, but good.