Balance

I am entering my second week of home school. It has been interesting and surprisingly a lot more amazing than I would have expected. Most days have been a struggle to convince Connor to do school but what we are learning and doing is really neat. Waking up when we want, going where we want, moving at a pace that fits the day, etc. We still don't have a routine and I know I need to up the work expectations but for right now the experience is a pleasant surprise.

What I am noticing is that if my friends are not home schooling, which none that live near me are, then they are not really interested in how it is going for me. I think I called, texted, or emailed most of my friends to see how their little ones first day of school was but no on really checked on me to see how home school was going. They would ask but then move on, no one really wants to "hear" about it. I find myself again in a place of fighting loneliness and looking around for new relationships despite that I am constantly around "friends".

Another strange place I find myself is that when I decided to homeschool I felt like I was making a new commitment to my children. A commitment to be around them all the time, to put what they needed before what I wanted to do. What I have found is that most of the other moms around me are where I was before which was a place where you were glad to have your kids in school, anxious to check them into childcare at the gym to have some time with out the kids, and always trying to find someone to watch them so you could go run errands or do some of the things you want to do. I am now in a place where my kids are with me all the time and I have accepted that so I am not trying to get rid of them but rather living life with them. This has lead to two things. One, I am watching a lot of my friends kids since I am home. Which is fun and annoying all at the same time. But the favor is hardly returned. I have three kids for them to watch and they want to enjoy their alone time. Frustrating. And two, it is really hard to hear people complain about having to drag one kid to the store. Please, I have to take three everywhere I go. I can't even go to my class at the gym by myself anymore because Connor is too old for the child care so he sits in my class with me. If I want to try on clothes in a store I drag all three kids in the dressing room with me, we all shop for groceries, all go to the chiropractor and most other appointments. I have learned to deal with it and try to make the best of it but it is really annoying when no one offers to help and then calls me to watch their one kid because they want to go run errands. Where is the sense of helping to be kind or thoughtful or just to be a blessing to someone else? Again back to the evaluation of are my relationships life giving or life sucking. Hard to balance trying to be a blessing to others and saying no to people who never help in return.