The Point Of This Blog

So, I have started a blog. Now what? I hardly know how to use it or make it fancy but oh well. The point of this blog is really for me anyway. A place where I can start to write down my journey and thoughts. Maybe someday I will share, but for now, it is just for me.

This past year, well who am I kidding, more like the past 7 years have been very difficult. Moments of joy and amazing happiness and many moments of despair, depression, and loneliness. Depression is not something that I have ever struggled with and as far as I know is not something in my family. But once I had kids, either the stress of that or the shift in hormones, or both, caused me to struggle with depression. I have tried it all as far as treatment goes. I am to the place now where I am trying to function within it and hope that one day God delivers me from it.

What depression looks like for me at this current moment is not wanting to get out of bed, constantly being tired and bored, not having any motivation to do anything, easily annoyed with people, not much patience for people, and feeling defeated. Not the kind of wife, mother, daughter, sister, or friend I imagined myself to be but it is where I am at.

I have realized that I don't take time to deal with my emotions and actually feel what they are and try to figure out why they are there. Considering the only time alone I get is when I take a shower which lets face it is only a handful of times a week, I am usually so thankful to have 5 minutes of peace that the last thing on my mind is dealing with my feelings. But I am starting to realize that I need to feel them instead of just allow them to numb me. And that is my current journey, trying to understand what I am feeling and why. AND not punch anyone in the face in the meantime! : )